Lessons in Leadership

If you are a dour, cynical leader without an ounce of humor in your soul, you may want to change this perception with the occasional witty comeback that will at least give the impression you are trying to do better. Use these sparingly, because you don’t want to overdo it until you find an actual sense of humor.

Witty Comeback #1
Direct Report: Why are you always so pessimistic?
You: I like being a pessimist, because I’m right 50% of the time.

Witty Comeback #2
Partner: Can you help me with this spreadsheet? One of the cells is screwed up and I can’t figure out which one.
You, while attempting a smile: Really? One of my cells is screwed up too.

Witty Comeback #3
Office Manager: I think we should have a potluck on Friday…to improve staff morale.
You: I’m sure a little food poisoning and the subsequent time off will cheer everyone up.

Witty Comeback #4
Client: Where are my documents? They’re already a week late.
You: Only a week late? That’s fantastic, because I had planned three weeks late in the schedule.

Witty Comeback #5
Accountant: Sorry to bore you with this financial stuff, but it’s really important.
You: No worries. I wouldn’t trust an accountant who was not boring.

These should get you started, and may even inspire you to come up with your own witty comebacks.