Lessons in Leadership

If you are a dour, cynical leader without an ounce of humor in your soul, you may want to change this perception with the occasional witty comeback that will at least give the impression you are trying to do better. Use these sparingly, because you don’t want to overdo it until you find an actual sense of humor.

Witty Comeback #1
Direct Report: Why are you always so pessimistic?
You: I like being a pessimist, because I’m right 50% of the time.

Witty Comeback #2
Partner: Can you help me with this spreadsheet? One of the cells is screwed up and I can’t figure out which one.
You, while attempting a smile: Really? One of my cells is screwed up too.

Witty Comeback #3
Office Manager: I think we should have a potluck on Friday…to improve staff morale.
You: I’m sure a little food poisoning and the subsequent time off will cheer everyone up.

Witty Comeback #4
Client: Where are my documents? They’re already a week late.
You: Only a week late? That’s fantastic, because I had planned three weeks late in the schedule.

Witty Comeback #5
Accountant: Sorry to bore you with this financial stuff, but it’s really important.
You: No worries. I wouldn’t trust an accountant who was not boring.

These should get you started, and may even inspire you to come up with your own witty comebacks.

Lessons in Leadership

A true leader knows instinctively when to seek outside expertise. For example, when traversing unfamiliar territory and you hear a lion roaring in the distance and there is strange movement in the bushes behind you and suddenly all of the other animals disappear, your gut tells you that you are in desperate need of a consultant, preferably one like the fellow in this photo. I can't remember his name, but he knew what he was doing.

Lessons in Leadership

Even if you are a natural leader, which I am not,* you cannot survive on pure leadership alone. Like it or not, you still have to do the hard work to develop the skills of your trade. Learn how to create practical spreadsheets. Become a master of MS Project or other scheduling software. Study the fundamentals of project management to control scope, schedule, and budget. Master the techniques of preparing a logical agenda and running an effective meeting. Take a class in business accounting. And never stop learning. When you combine your natural leadership with relevant skills, you will make beautiful music. Well, maybe not like in the photo below, but beautiful nonetheless.

* Because I'm deeply introverted and pathologically analytical, I have to step out of character to lead.

Lessons in Leadership

I've decided to never tell anyone ever again, especially someone I supervise, to "Think outside the box." What does that mean, anyway? I'll tell you what it means! It means I don't have any concrete ideas that might actually help you solve the problem your working on, so instead I'm going to offer a fluffy, generalized, pompous suggestion that gives the appearance of leadership but probably only insults your intelligence. But you don't have to follow my lead on this. You can do whatever you want with your box.

Lessons in Leadership

Don't be afraid to try new things. This demonstrates to your staff that you are a leader with courage and pluck. The one exception is when you're afraid of heights and your wife wants you to jump off a darn cliff attached to a stupid cable with a couple of skimpy-looking nylon straps and it's a really long way down and what if one of the straps breaks or worse the cable itself then you'd certainly fall to your death and anyway someone has to take a photo of this insanity if she insists on....

Lessons in Leadership

Puffing yourself up will probably not improve your authority as a leader. Most people see through the bluster and will become less inclined to follow. Lead in ways that promote the success of others, and you too will achieve success.

Lessons in Leadership

Good leadership is seldom about your public persona. More often it is about what your staff is accomplishing in the background. Don't forget to share the credit.

Lessons in Leadership

Entrust important responsibilities to key staff whenever practical. Before doing so, evaluate the likelihood of achievement and provide sufficient coaching to ensure success. Not only will this improve both the competence and self-reliance of staff, it may come in handy if you are called away from work by an unanticipated distraction.

Lessons in Leadership

Never reprimand a direct report* in public. Instead, invite the direct report to meet you in a private space with pleasant lighting and chairs with comfortable pillows. Offer a cup of coffee. Throw out a little meaningless banter. Then, when you sense the direct report is sufficiently relaxed, deliver the rebuke with a smile.

A word of warning: In some circumstances, it may be necessary to firmly remind the direct report that you are the boss.
...

* An underling in the corporate hierarchy

Lessons in Leadership

When hopelessly lost in an Alaskan ice cave and quickly running out of food and water, strike a heroic pose whenever possible. No need to alarm the poor fools who followed you into the cave.

Is this how he got his name?

I decided to write a sonnet last weekend. Don’t ask me why, I just did. But before I began, I thought a cozy wood stove fire might improve my creativity. My cat, Smokey, thought otherwise.